Ever since Andy came to visit my kids at work with me they ask about him most days. The average conversation does like this.....
child:"M-Amie where's your Dad today?"
me:"My Dad? Sweetie he wasn't my Dad he was my boyfriend, remember?"
child:Where your bof-end?
child:"He's in Hanida"
me:"yeah he's in Canada"
child:"He's far away?"
me:"Yes he's far away"
child:"why?"
me:"well, because he is"
child:"In Hanida"
me:"yes, he has to work"
child:"Your bof-end at work"
me:"yep"
child:"M'amie, where your hat today?"
(I was wearing a hat the day we went in to visit the kids)
I haven't figured out how to explain why Andy is in Canada and why I am here to 2 year olds yet, even though we do have this conversation a lot. Thankfully, my lack of answer doesn't really concern them as much as where my hat is, so it's ok. I guess they accept the answer "because he is." They just accept that it's that simple.
I'm not really a simple kind of girl, my thoughts are usually anything but simple. I have so many questions, try to guess at so many answers to them, come up with multiple possible answers, then I like to make plans for every one of those possible scenarios.
Yeah, my mind is rarely a simple place.
Sometimes this isn't good for me.....most times this isn't good for me because while I'm running ahead, trying to plan for and control all the unknown elements of the future, I'm missing out on living in today and living in the Lord's rest. I'm not making anything any better, I'm making myself feel worse, I'm missing the good of today and I'm not trusting in the Lord.
Missing Andy is definitely one of those areas.
I'm starting to realise that today Andy is in Canada BECAUSE HE IS, I'm here BECAUSE I AM. THIS is where the Lord has us today!!! I can wrestle this fact, I can dream, plan, cry, get down in the dumps, get angry, I can do whatever with this fact but at the end of the day it's the way it is and the best thing I can do is be a 2 year old and accept it. Accept that today, this is the way it is, and more than that, this is the way i WANT it if this is the way the Lord has it!!!
YES I'm sad and Yes I miss him but I can't change that so I have to face up to it and get on with living. Get on with loving him from a distance, get on with making sure he knows how much I do love him, get on with caring for the kids I look after and learning to teach them and love them, get on with learning to be a friend to the people I work with and my other friends, to love my parents, to seek and love the Lord and all the other stuff that fills my days. Above all, to be thankful for all these things I am 'getting on with' and take the time to be thankful for where I am and what I have, rather than using that time to wish things were different.
5 comments:
Amie- It is a struggle alot of people face. Wishing/planning/hoping and looking to the future. Yiu are right- The problem with that is that for every minute we do that, is a minute lost of the here and now.
It sounds like such a tought thing to be trying to wrap your mind around.
Hope you got our email saying thank you for the gifts for the kids from you and Andy. They loved them. Did you get the video of Aidan?
Take Care and chin up.
I do that too much as well. Thank you so much for your thoughts. You are so wise and giving.
Ta luv.
Kat
Amie, I here what your saying. Your definitely not alone in feeling that way. I remember countless day's when I was at Capes and Brad was on the Mainland and wishing we could be together! It's hard but know there is always a chance for you both to grow which in turn will only strengthen your realationship. For me personally the distance was a good thing! I'm not saying it was easy.... it made me trust the Lord all the more! Plus you can appreciate and treasure the times that you are together so much more. When will you see him again?
Luv,
Sam:)
aww i love your little "child" there.
lol M-amie :)
mmhmm i am comin back to capes this summer again!! i am very excited. and yes the wonderful camera is sure to come with me :)
steph
Cute conversations you can have with a 2 year old. I love having little talks with Tessa, they are so cute and interested in stuff. I love this age, I am going to miss it when she gets older. Although I won't be missing the tantrums.
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